Behind all wind and hullabaloo of the thunderstorm, another storm was ongoing in my house last evening. For whatever reason, I took something that was said completely and totally the wrong way. Blame PMS, blame the stars being out of aligment, or the fact that I don’t feel all that great – whatever. The long and short of it is that I was a crying, emtional wreck last evnening over *stupid* (and boy, do I mean stupid) shit.
Could it have been avoided? No, I don’t think so. And here’s my psychobabble on why:
I think I truly needed to cry. Not for the stupidity that occurred; that was just the catalyst. I have been dealing with a huge slew of emotional issues just recently. And for the most part, simply locking my reactions down. Angry at J for stupid stuff? Lock it down. Worried over the Girl’s school issues? Lock it down. Sad that things are ending? Lock it down. Stressed about finances? Yeah, you guessed it. Lock it down.
And I know I shouldn’t be doing that sort of repression. I get that emotions need to be expressed or they fester. But, in dealing with all this crap all at once, I felt that I needed to be functional. I needed to be strong. I needed to push the hurty crap away, if only for a little while.
Things came to an emotional head last night, though. I got overwhelmed by sad and just cried and cried. I actually do feel better emotionally this morning. Although, I am tired and still have a sore throat.